Define: Willpower: control of one's impulses and actions; self control.
Something that I think is hard to understand is willpower. It's the power that everyone needs at some point in their life to take the next step in achieving inner self accomplishment and peace. It takes defiance, self leadership and a whole lot of concentration to complete a goal that you give yourself or that was given to you by someone else. It takes willpower to do that.
Some people are just born with an insane amount of willpower that never dies out and never goes away until a specific goal is complete, only to be triggered once again when another challenge is standing in the way.
Others', meanwhile, just don't have it- they need to create it, and that can be very difficult.
Watching a friend try to get over an ex is....well it's not really all that engaging, until they can't actually get over them. Then, if you care enough about your friends, and I hope you do, it becomes almost your own problem, as if you have the answer and you are the one who is trying to get over the ex.
Then you realize that as much as they claim they are "done" with the ex, they really aren't. They don't have the drive- the willpower- to actually do anything about it and just kind of like being sad and feeling lonely. Then it becomes boring and repetitive for you.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Down 2 zip, top of the 7th with runners on second and third and one out. He's standing on deck, putting a little more effort into focusing; taking deeper, longer breaths. In through the nose and back out the same way. He remembers for a brief moment his goals, the list of them that he had written out that morning, and quickly brings it back to the breath. So focused on the breath that even positive thoughts and self affirmations are not welcome here right now. A four pitch at bat ends with his teammate popping up to the first baseman. He rises now, out of a catchers crouch and walks toward the batter's box, a rare feeling of complete peace...but only for a few seconds.
"Fuck man!" He looks back, giving a glare that was naturally supportive to his dugout and his teammate who just launched his helmet on the dugout fence from inside of it. He sees mostly hispanic kids, one black kid and a couple white kids as well. He turns to see his coach, hispanic, standing in the third base coaching box. He looks at third, then at second, as if looking for some moral support of "this pitcher's got nuthin' left in the tank, I just ripped him". He wasn't sure what he got from them though.
Two whites kids on third and second, respectively.
He starts by putting one foot in the box, only to quickly pull it out as if he had just dipped his foot in a pool of 300 degree boiling water; he could sense the anxiety tugging away at him, ready to burst- it wasn't quite there yet though, he could merely sense it's presence in the distance.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Willpower can come in any form or variation. Recently, I have
decided to use willpower to essentially force other parts of my life onto the
center stage rather than baseball.
There is a deeper
lesson to be learned here that I have realized.
My life is not
just baseball.
Baseball is simply
another area of my life that I enjoy doing and while it's not always smiling
and laughing, and frankly a lot of it is anxiety, it's enjoyable because it
really is the only part of my life that involves competition. I suppose part of
me wants to compete, clearly. But ultimately, my life is revolved around
everything that I enjoy doing. And as long as I am alive, I need to make the
time to do those things, or even just give more thought and appreciation to
them.
This actually
should help my baseball career along. The less spotlight I put on it, the less
pressure. On top of that, giving more thought to things that I like doing or
thinking about outside of baseball makes me a healthier being, which means I'm
happier, which is the most important thing.
Now, that doesn't
mean I will start half-assing it. I won't stop working as hard as I do until
baseball kicks me out of baseball.
There is a
difference between taking something off the center stage and just not
caring for it.
If you enjoy dong
something and you don't succeed to your expectations, don't just give the
"I don't care" attitude because you know and I know and everyone on
your team knows that you DO care and that you really do WANT to succeed and
that saying that you don't care is just a way for you to avoid the self doubt
and inner uneasiness. It's just a way of avoiding the problem or task at hand.
It's healthy to care and everyone knows you want to do well. So care about
it.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All he was excited
for was 24 hours from that point. He would be in the house that he loved so
much, in the state he loved so much.
His break. His real summer vacation.
His break. His real summer vacation.
Every time he
takes that 4 hour 41 minute train ride from Croton Harmen, NY to Castleton,
Vermont, his life seemed to be able to breath. The monster that eats away at
him everyday and the energy-emotional, mental and physical- that he spends
everyday on not getting torn down goes away. This time seemed a little
different though.
It seemed like he
was looking more toward a sneak peak at something. Something of the future. And
it excited him because he felt like when he arrived infront of that huge wooden
door that slides to the right hand side, the door that takes just too darm much
strength for a door to open, walked across the floor to the other side, passing
a couple couches and chairs on the left, a ping pong and pool table on the
right, and came to a window. He could imagine himself using that window for
what it has been used best for since years before he even allowed to enter the
Holy Barn that sat upon the property of which his trips to Vermont take him to-
peeing. Right out the window.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
No comments:
Post a Comment